Guest article by Judith van Oostrom
In nature imperfection doesn’t exist. As we, as human beings, are a seed of mother nature you are perfect. Isn’t it shocking that we are constantly trying to be perfect. We grant each others their imperfections. And we find it so much more difficult to honor our own imperfections. There is always so much that we should have done better or differently. Even when we look at ourselves with loving eyes, there is still this voice in our mind telling us what we should have done. What can we do?
Where do imperfections come from?
The fact that something or someone is imperfect automatically means that there is a definition of ‘perfect’. When you look at yourself you have images, expectations, ideas of what the perfect you looks like, inner and outer. Images and expectations that arise from what you have learned at home, at school, in contact with others and the standards that are imposed on you by the world around you.
So the perfect ‘you’ is about how you would want yourself to look, what you should wear, and also about how you should behave, the choices you should make in your life.
It’s about the kilograms we weighing too much or not enough, how angry you were with the children this morning when you know that does not work, or about work that does not work again.
You and I are so busy in our lives with meeting to all those expectations and wishes of yourself and others. To be hones with you, these expectations help us as much as the block us. They give us a framework so we don’t have to doubt everything we do. This framework is like a signpost and gives us direction on what to do when. But it is also very tiring. Especially when you do not live up to expectations.
The third way
The road to meeting perfection means that there are setbacks. In my case, these are often more setbacks than windfalls. How often does life go exactly the way you want it? How often do you look exactly like you want? How often do you say exactly the right thing to your boss at the right time and how often did you not get angry with the children when they once again take to much time to put on their shoes and jackets? Only thinking about these things make me feel tired.
When all the expectations are there, how do you learn to live with your imperfections? Should you embrace them or adjust your expectations and the expectations of others? Could there be a third way? These are the questions that I have asked myself several times lately. What happens when you let go of all those expectations, conditions, rules and ideas of yourself and others? When all the frames disappear and you just be you? All you have to do is consciously breathing in and out. Try it for a moment and feel what happens to you.
Have you tried it? What happened to you? For me, freedom arises. In that moment it is only me, nothing else. For a moment I can feel what is happening within me. That kind of letting go goes beyond embracing my imperfections. Because my imperfections are not there, for a moment. The moment you let go of all those imperfections you can be with yourself. Hold yourself and look at yourself with loving eyes. You can take care of yourself and your wounds. Celebrate that you are you. That is the moment to come home to yourself and listen to what you need.
When you are at home with yourself, space is created.
Space to feel and experience what really ignites your fire. Inspiration arises in that space, you are able to make choices and you know exactly what the next step is. That is the place where your leadership arises. After all, when you know what your energy is about, it is much easier to make choices and take steps in that direction.
And there is more. Being yourself means that the bar is no longer too high. The voice over in your mind that tells you about all your “shoulds” is silent for a moment. Your attention goes easier to what is there. And you move easier with what goes on in your life. The most important: it brings you peace.
But how???
How do you do that: come home to yourself? That is different for everyone. Maybe a massage works for you or just a meditation. An app that I like to use is the insight timer. There are so many meditations that there is always something of everyone’s taste in between. Or you just set the timer to stop for a moment.Another way is to write everything down. Start your morning with writing in your journal. A dear colleague has now designed a beautiful journal. Maybe it’s something for you, take a look here.
Another thing that works for me is to hear myself speak. Preferably in the presence of someone who says nothing. Three minutes is enough to gain more insight. Do you want to know more about how it works to give yourself and the others the space to simply be with themselves? Click here for a free e-book about “holding space”.
When you’re home within yourself, there is no judgment in being with yourself. For a moment then. The moment you step out of your cocoon back into the world, did you will start thinking what else you could have done with your time. Only now you have the insights from that moment of being you which will help you to stay close to yourself. It will take some practice. And it’s worth is: You are perfect as you are.